I bought no gifts this year
And I slept with your sister
I know I should have thought twice before I kissed her
But with the year we had last
And the dress that she wore
I just went along for the ride
And I came back for more
And I’m sorry, baby

(That’s all okay honey cause see)

I bought no tree this year
And I slept with your brother
I wrecked your Daddy’s car
And went down on your Mother
I set your record collection on fire
And said I never knew
Felt kind of bad about that
And I know you did too

So whatever you say, it’s all fine by me
Who the Fm**k anyway wants a Christmas tree
Cause the snow keeps on fallin
Even though we were bad
It’ll cover the filth, we should both just be glad
And spend this Christmas together

I married you last year
Bet you thought I was sober, right?
But I was drunk as a skunk and I made a mistake
This could all have been over

Ah honey please don’t excuse your behaviour
Cause I hired a hitman and changed your will
It’s now all in my favour
So whatever you say, it’s all fine by me
Who the f@#k anyway wants a Christmas tree
Cause the snow keeps on fallin
Even though we were bad
It’ll cover the filth, we should both just be glad

And spend-spend-spend this Christ-Christmas together
And spend-spend-spend this Christ-Christmas together
And spend-spend-spend this Christ-Christmas together
And spend-spend-spend this Christ-Christmas together

Holding on without any reason
Cause something’s strong (something’s strong)
This holiday season (this holiday season)

So whatever you say, it’s all fine by me
And who the Fm**k anyway wants a Christmas tree
Cause the snow keeps on fallin
Even though we were bad
It’ll cover the filth, we should both just be glad

And spend-spend-spend this Christmas together
(repeat)
Come on!