It's a typical day in the universe
Another MC spits a puny verse
I try to get through my day without saying a curse
Because I curse too much and such and such (Fm**k)
I try to improve my vocabulary
I try to cut out eating meat and dairy
I wanna bring back the days of the tooth fairy
Cause I lost my innocence
I'm young and dumb and old and wise at the same time
Cause I know Jesus was a rock star
And it was Elvis who turned water into wine
I wanna save a kangaroo from a life in the zoo
I wanna own a llama
I want less drama in my life
I think I really wanna be a happy house-wife

I got 28 butts in the ashtray
I gotta pace myself, I'm smoking like a chimney
Another bottle of whiskey
Has been emptied
I know you wouldn't put it past me
I really know how to party
Reminisce about the day when I was swigging my Bacardi
28 butts in the ashtray because it's just me
Keeping myself company

I think back all the days I was smoking carawhack
It was really kinda like an addiction
Non-fiction
Just reading my days and nights away
I used to pray to a funny little fat man
Til I found out he was Santa Clause cause
Saint Nick never brought shit
And there I go cursing again
I'm my only friend and I'm definitely my very worst enemy
It kinda triggers a memory
Let's bring it back to 83 when I
Ate a watermelon, swallowed the seeds
Suddenly there was a watermelon growing in my tummy
I skipped a jump rope, every time I jumped up
I heard a rattle that sounded like a tambourine

I got 28 butts in the ashtray
I gotta pace myself, I'm smoking like a chimney
Another bottle of whiskey
Has been emptied
I know you wouldn't put it past me
I really know how to party
Reminisce about the day when I was swigging my Bacardi
28 butts in the ashtray because it's just me
Keeping myself company

Hey Mama are you proud of me
I applied for a job at MickeyD's
I gotta do something with my life
Because my idle time is eating me
Like I'm a super-sized french fry
Drenched in ketchup
Frying over patch-up
But I know I taste better than that
Like they used to taste before they out-lawed trans-fat

I got 28 butts in the ashtray
I gotta pace myself, I'm smoking like a chimney
Another bottle of whiskey
Has been emptied
I know you wouldn't put it past me
I really know how to party
Reminisce about the day when I was swigging my Bacardi
28 butts in the ashtray because it's just me
Keeping myself company