F#Hey, folks! Begging your pardon!
D‘Scuse me! Sorry to barge in
BNow let’s skip the tears and start on the whAole
Y’know G#  
Being dead thing
F#mYou’re doomed! Enjoy the singing
DThe sword of Damocles is swinging
BAnd if I hear your cell-phone ringing
I’ll kAill you myself
The wG#mhole being dead thing!
BmDeath can get a person stressed
“We sF#hould have carpe’d way more diems
Now we’re never gonna see ‘em!"
G#mI can show you what comes next
So don’t be freakedC#  
Stay in your seats D 
I do this bullshit, like, eight times a week!
C#So just relax, you’ll be fine
Drink your fifty-dollar wine
And take a breath!
Welcome to a show about death!
F#You’re…
You’re gonna be fEine…
On the oBther side…
F#DIE! YOU’RE ALL GONNA DIE! YOU’RE ALL GONNA DIE!
F#I'll...
I’ll be your gEuide...
To the Bother side…
DOh, and full disclosure: It’s a sC#how about de
GmEverybody gets on fine here
Like D#Rodgers, Hart, and Hammerstein here
CThe women’s bathroom has no line here
Just...
N.C.
Pee where you want!
The Awhole being dead thing!
GmYou’re just gonna love the folks here
D#Yeah, I know you’re woke, but you can take a joke here!
And eCvery show I do, like, a TON of coke here
The whole-


PAH-HAH! The whole being dead thing!

CmNobody is bullet-proof!
G“I work out, I eat clean!”
GmJesus, pass the FDramamine
CmTime to face the brutal truth:
‘Cause Dmwe’re all on a hitlist

Might not live ‘till Christmas
Choke to death on Triscuits

Hey, that’s just statistic
So tD#ake a little break here
G#mKinda like a wake here
The sD#mcenery is fake here
But thD#ere's a giant D#msnake here!

|Gm| |Gm| |Gm| |A#m| |C#|

D#Welcome to a show about death!
GYou’re…
You’re gonna be fG7ine…

THANK YOU!

On the oDther side…

HOW YOU DOIN’?
CWoah! Not good!
BaG-be-ba-ba-be-Fbo-boo-bap-boop!

FmI’ll…
I’ll be D#myour guide!
To the other A#sidCe!
N.C.
Seriously, though, this is a show about-
A#mDeath is taboo, but it’s hardly something nFmew
There’s nothing mA#medical professionals can do
'Cept mFaybe just bFmill you

If you die while listening to this album
It's still gonna keep playing  F   D#  

There’s no dA#mestiny or fate
Just a Fmterrifying wait
Filled with A#mpeople that you hate
And on a certD#ain date, the universe kiClls you!

N.C.
That’s the thing with life:
No-one makes it out alA#ive!
CToss that body Din the Cmpit
“GGosh, it’s awful, ain’t it tragic?”
“Blah, blah, Bible JesFus magic.”
CmWhen you’re dead, who gives a shit?
GmNo pilates, no more yoga!

“Namaste”, you freakin’ posers
CmFrom the cradle to cremation
A#Death just needs a little conversation!
DI have mastered the art (Dies Irae!)
Of tearing conventiD#on apDart (Dies Irae!)
So, hDow about we all make a start (Dies Irae!)
On the wG#hole Dbeing dGead thing!

[ALL]
DGod, I hope you’re ready for a show about death! G